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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Having more kids

I was debating about what to blog about today. I thought about some fluff or possibly a Wordless Wednesday picture. I started reading my usual blogs, and read Erika's post about having more kids. Her blog is HERE

Drew was two months old or so when we found out that he had Fragile X. After a consultation with a geneticist, we learned that I had to carry the Fragile X gene. At the time, we were so wrapped up in what to do about Drew having Fragile X that we didn't think about having future children.

When he was a year and a half or so, I started thinking about whether we'd have more kids. Eric and I discussed it. I was actually thinking that it would be a good idea. Eric was not. He said that we have to put so much effort into the care and keeping of Drew that it wouldn't be fair to him or a new baby if they had to split our attention. I was sort of ok with this line of thinking, sort of not ok with it. I wanted to explore the possibility of sperm separation to increase the likelihood of having a girl. I thought it would be nice to have a girl and a boy, and even if that girl had Fragile X, they were typically not as affected as boys with Fragile X. Eric thought this was a bad idea. He asked how Drew would feel if he knew we tried not to have another boy child with Fragile X, like we "could do better". I did see his point. Still unsure of what to do, we decided to just keep discussing it, and not make any decisions.

Well, God decided to help us with that decision. When Drew was two years old, I became pregnant unexpectedly. I knew my carrier status and that there was a fifty percent chance that the baby I carried had Fragile X.

There were lots of emotions during that time. Surprise, of course for one. Joy at having created a new life as well. There was also sorrow for our lives that would change as we knew them. I was afraid of having a "normal" child and having Drew know that he was different than his brother or sister. I was afraid of having another affected child, and whether we'd be able to handle it. We decided not to get prenatal testing done since it wouldn't change the child either way, and abortion would not be considered whether the child had Fragile X or not.

After Blake was born, I felt pretty certain he had Fragile X. It was not a huge shock when he was diagnosed. He was a special blessing sent from a God who knew our needs even when we did not. Though he has Fragile X, he is not as developmentally affected as Drew is. He gets Drew out of his shell and they are the best of friends. I can't imagine life without Blake.

Now, five years later, I can say with certainty that we won't be making any more babies on purpose. Not because of the chance of having another baby with Fragile X, but because our family feels complete.

For stories from other mothers on this topic, visit:

Basically FX

The Other Lion

Fragile What?!

3 comments:

Patsy Clairmont said...

Thank you for sharing your "fragile" journey. My heart was touched by the hard questions you and your hubby honestly asked of each other.
You could not have known how important Blake would be to Drew--how sweet of God to give them each other for the days ahead...and how wise that He gave them to you with your open arms and wide heart.

On those days when you're weary I pray God would bring you fresh breezes of His love.

fragilemom said...

Since we were 2 months away from having our second when Ian was diagnosed, we didn't have much of a decision to make about whether or not to have more.....and I wouldn't have changed a thing. After Avery was diagnosed we also surprisingly got pregnant. I seem to hit the jackpot as well with the 50% chance of FX. Although I have always wanted 4, we did decide that, especially at our age, we should stop and concentrate on the needs of our 3 precious little ones. We have, however, contemplated adopting a little sister for Avery. I hope this doesn't sound bad, but we would be praying for a 'typical' little girl. I've always believed God had a non-FX child for us. Maybe this is how????????

Sarah said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Future children is something we think about a lot. I'm glad to hear your "x-men" are best friends.