How do you do it?

Fragile X has been in my life for ten years now. That's hard to believe. People say to me all the time, "I don't know how you do it!" I have always just shrugged my shoulders and replied, "I do it, but not well." The real and true answer to that comment is "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Phil. 4:13.

I was raised in a Christian home. I put my trust in Christ as my savior when I was a child, I want to say about eight, but I can't remember for sure. As it goes with many people who are raised in Christian homes, I drifted back and forth in my faith. Towards God, away from Him and back again. Usually my drifting away also coincided with my rebellion and sin. I always believed in Him, I just didn't always live like I did.

By the time I was an adult, I felt pretty firm in my beliefs. At least, I felt that I had all the "important stuff" down. I realize now that my faith was pretty shallow, though it was genuine.

1 Peter 1:17 says These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.

I had no knowledge of this verse at the time Drew was diagnosed, but now, looking back at the trials I've faced in the past ten years, this verse touches my heart.

Every time I take the boys somewhere and chaos reigns, something gets broken, or someone's having a meltdown, I send up prayers. Sometimes, it's a simple plea, "Help me, Lord!" In my quiet times, I will reflect on the day and see how He was there through all my difficulties. And when we are working on IEPs and working through school issues or behavior issues, I pour out my heart to the One who knows my boys better than I do.

I do not blame God for my boys having Fragile X. I am not mad at Him. I can't say that has always been the case. I have had my moments of, "Why me, God?"

I admit that I long for the day when Christ returns to make all things new. My boys will not have trouble processing the world around them. They will not have trouble understanding the things that come easily for the rest of us. Their hands will work like they want them to, and they will be able to praise God with mouths that don't confuse what they want to say.

Oh yes, the Lord has strengthened my faith. What are trials are also blessings and I can honestly thank Him for them.