Saturday, January 15, 2011

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder just how different our life is from other "normal" people.  Occasionally, I will make a comment to someone about my kids, and they will say, "Well, that it true of all kids." And I suppose they are right.  I mean, all parents worry about their kids fitting in.  All kids misbehave.  All parents get stressed out sometimes. 

So, what's so different?  Well, with kids at ages seven and ten, I still wipe butts.  Most people's seven and ten year olds can handle that, right? 

Going to Grandma and Grandpa's house is something most kids love, right?  And so do Drew and Blake.   But it's not easy for them.  They get anxiety about the whole thing.  Drew will start saying, "No Grandma's house!" and, "I'm not going!" before we even start getting ready.  Now, sometimes, I say, "That's fine, we'll just stay home then."  but he will always reply, "But I want to go to Grandma's house." The next problem would be getting coats on.  They refuse to do that sometimes, throwing coats and gloves.  When we finally get them into their coats and send them to the van, one boy will get in and slam the van door.  (Usually Drew) then Blake, who is pissed about having the door slammed in his face will get in the van and start hitting and pulling hair.  We get in the van, Eric will yell at them to "calm down or we're staying home".  Drew will then say, "I need Jesus, Daddy!"  and we'll put the CD in the player and play "Firm Foundation" over and over and over, never getting through the song before he says, "Again, Mommy!"  Then is the transition of going into Grandma's house.  Blake will run into the house and slam the door.  I usually follow Blake, thinking to let Drew come in on his own time.  Eric usually stays with Drew, convincing him to go inside.  He will act like he is crazy-mad, and once he gets in the house, he'll usually say, "Hi, Grandma!" in the sweetest voice you ever heard. 

Of course all transitions are tough for them, and that makes life a challenge sometimes.  When they get home from school, if one or the other had a bad day, they will burst into tears as soon as they get home. Or Blake will lock us out of the house. Or Blake will go into his room and lay on his bed.  Drew also goes into his room, but he will squawk and flap his hands while leaning over the bed.  Usually this lasts for five or ten minutes, and they come out, ready for a snack.

Don't think I am unhappy with my life.  I love my family more than anything in this world.  I know they love me.  They are both affectionate boys when they want to be, and I am not sure how affectionate "regular" seven and ten year olds are. 

Blake had a birthday party for one of his classmates last weekend.  He was excited about going.  Eric went along to make sure Blake was ok.  Blake had a blast and Eric said it seemed like the other kids had fun with him, too.


holly.lynn said...

You are amazing. I admire your strength...and you know, people have said that to me but really, you seem to handle the tough stuff way better! (I think I have it a bit 'easier' -- but still have issues with my fx men.) and...I wondered too...and had a 'normal' child...honestly, it's GREAT, different and SAD at the same time to have both kinds of kids...all it all, it's work, worth it all, whether they are special or not...(don't mean to write a book)...I just think you are amazing!!!

Jen said...

Our daughter, 21, has always been a great kid..very proud of her. BUT, yes, being her parent can be challenging at times: she can be irresponsible at times, the talking back, the worrying about her being safe while driving (2 accidents, one we got the phone call after midnight), homework issues, messy room, fear of her making a poor choice...the list can go on. Honestly, getting her through her teenage years was harder than getting the boys through theirs...and she's a great kid!
I think a big difference is that, millions of parents are dealing with the EXACT same issues. It's expected of a child to go through a bit of a rebellious stage...not fun, but expected. I can talk to another parent about it, and they know exactly what I mean, and we can share our frustrations together. We also can look back at our own childhood which gives us some insight as to what they're going through, because we went through similar situations.
We understand where they're coming from.

With the boys, we have to deal with a list of issues that is unfamiliar to most. And, we know how it "should be," so I think it adds to the frustration of whatever the situation is. It's difficult for us to sometimes understand their behaviors, because we haven't walked in their shoes. I don't think someone who doesn't have children like ours could begin to understand the scenario you described of going to the grandparents. But also, I can't begin to understand what the parents who have children messed up with drugs are going through. I don't understand what it's like to have a teenaged daughter who gets pregnant. I don't understand the challenges faced by parents with children who are physically disabled, I don't understand what it's like to lose a child... the list goes on and on. I'm thankful that I didn't have to deal with those situations.

Kind of rambling.....and I'm not sure where I'm going with this, lol.
Okay, okay, let me try to sum up my thought....hmmmm....well, I think one of the biggest challenges (at least for me) is the lack of independence our children have...or will ever have. We all go through different challenges raising our kids, but when those 18 or so years pass, and you have a child with a significant disability, you're still raising that "child." We don't get to see our kids follow the path of their choice. That's tough. But at the same time, I'm definitely not trying to "take away" the challenges that others face.....there are so many in life!!

Bonnie@TheFragileXFiles said...

I love how he said "I need Jesus, daddy!" That's awesome!

fragilemom said...

I thought the "I need Jesus, Daddy" was adorable too!